The Herald Banner, Greenville, TX

Opinion

December 9, 2013

Dear Abby: Husband’s video gaming leaves wife on sidelines

GREENVILLE — DEAR ABBY: I was laid off from work, but my husband, “Keith,” works full-time in a factory. We live with his parents. By the time Keith gets home from work and gets cleaned up, it’s time to eat dinner. Immediately afterward, we always follow the same routine: We go in our bedroom and he goes on the computer to play video games, while I sit and watch TV and play on my phone.

We love each other and rarely disagree about things, but this isn’t fun for me. I have told Keith I feel ignored and I’d love to do something WITH him. He says because our town is smallish, there’s not a lot to do that doesn’t cost money.

Keith is into the video games, so much so that when we first met, he’d sit in his bedroom and play for hours on end. We’re planning a vacation in the next month or so, so it’s not like we do nothing at all. But I don’t know how to improve our situation. — CALLING FOR HELP IN KOKOMO, IND.

DEAR CALLING FOR HELP: After a hard day’s work, your husband may just want to sit down and relax. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t schedule some activity together on a weekend — hiking, skating, kayaking, going to an art show or seeing what’s scheduled at the convention center. You could also make a date with other young married couples, or occasionally schedule a girls’ night out with some of your female friends.

I agree that it’s important for you and your husband not to get into a rut. That’s why you need to budget so you CAN get out and have some fun together a few times a month.

———

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago I met “Holly,” the love of my life. We married and had a child. Soon after our son’s birth, I found out Holly had a boyfriend on the side. Our divorce was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Because of her instability, I was granted custody of our son.

Since the divorce I have developed an attraction to men. Is this normal after a nasty divorce? I never thought of myself as gay or bi until about a year afterward. I know that I never again want to experience the pain I went through.

I have been celibate now for almost four years, and I’m trying my best to set a good example for my son. I miss having someone to hold and share life with, but in the area where I live, having a gay relationship would cause me to lose my son. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. — IS THIS NORMAL? IN ARIZONA

DEAR NORMAL: It is important that you determine exactly who you are, whether it is a walking-wounded heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. A licensed psychotherapist can help you with this, and do it in confidence.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, you should realize that when breakups happen between couples — and that includes male/male, female/female and heterosexual — there is usually heartbreak involved. However, without risk there can be no reward, and celibacy is not the answer. If it turns out that you are, indeed, gay, then you should consider relocating to a more gay-friendly area.

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