The Herald Banner, Greenville, TX

Opinion

January 6, 2014

DEAR ABBY: Single woman is losing touch with friends who have kids

GREENVILLE — DEAR ABBY: I’m a 28-year-old woman with a fantastic job, a wonderful boyfriend and many friends whom I love dearly. I’m the only one without a child.

Maybe I don’t understand because I’m not a parent myself, but all my friends can talk about is children. Whereas before, we were interested in each other’s lives, I feel like my concerns and accomplishments are being brushed off. An example: I was excited to meet up with a pal to talk about my promotion, but the hour-long dinner was spent mostly teaching her child how to walk between the tables of the restaurant.

I enjoy hearing about my friends and their families, but I feel they are no longer interested in me. Am I expecting too much because we’re at different points in our lives, or am I a bad friend? I’m growing resentful, and I don’t like it. Any words of wisdom? — STILL RELEVANT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STILL RELEVANT: You and your friends ARE at different stages of life. When you were in your teens, you and your friends would talk about dating. Then, as you grew older, the conversations revolved around college, jobs and marriage. As people experience the later stages of life, they talk about other things that are going on in their lives — children, grandkids, aging parents and, finally, their own health concerns.

You’ll maintain and enjoy these friendships longer if you understand that. In the meantime, try to set some “adult time only” with your friends.

———

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 14 years and have dated some, but not a lot. I recently signed up for an online dating service, and here is my dilemma: I have a felony conviction from 25-plus years ago. It did not involve violence, drugs, sex, stealing, etc. It was for a white-collar crime. I received four years of probation, which I served without a hitch.

My question is not if I should tell someone about my conviction, but WHEN. If I say anything at our first meeting, I’m pretty sure it will also be the last meeting. At the same time, I don’t want it to appear that I was hiding it from them.

I might add, this is the only time I have ever been in trouble with the law. I’d appreciate your advice on how to deal with this. — ONLINE DATING IN TEXAS

DEAR DATING: The time to tell someone about your conviction is when the relationship stops being casual. At that point, you should disclose that there is a chapter from your past that you think the person should know about — and it’s one that will never be repeated.

———

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years, I have finally admitted to myself that I’m married to a workaholic, alcoholic womanizer. I have devoted my entire adult life, my time, effort and energy to my family. Now I feel used, abused and disrespected. I’m grateful to be a member of Al-Anon. It has helped me to understand that I cannot change anyone but me.

I have raised three great, successful grown kids. I have yet to make a decision for myself. I married for life. Must I continue to suffer in silence? Or do I hope that there is love, kindness and respect out there to be had? — STALLING IN IOWA

DEAR STALLING: Let me remind you what you’ve already learned in Al-Anon: You cannot change anyone but yourself. The same is true of your circumstances.

You are entitled to receive the same love and respect that you offer to others. I cannot guarantee that you’ll find love. Because your workaholic, alcoholic, womanizing husband hasn’t changed in a quarter of a century, it’s obvious he has no intention of doing so.

You don’t need to find another man in order to be happier than you are now. Being alone could give you peace, contentment and happiness. The question you need to answer honestly for yourself is whether you would be happier without your husband’s negative influence in your life.

1
Text Only
Opinion
  • School supplies, football signs of end of summer

    It is not here yet, but there are two landmarks on the horizon which traditionally indicate the end of summer is approaching.

    July 27, 2014

  • This is ... summer?

    Just sitting here, wondering what season this is again ...
    — Seriously, this is summer? In Texas?

    July 20, 2014

  • Why no to YMCA?

    Sometimes the lack of news can be just as disturbing as the daily barrage of bad news.

    July 5, 2014

  • Service members deserve our thanks

    More than two million active and reserve military personnel serve in the United States Military across the world: from just down the road in Fort Worth to the Forward Operating Base Jackson in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan, U.S. men and women endure harsh conditions, potentially fatal missions, rigorous training and heart-aching separation.

    July 5, 2014

  • Texas should not have to face surge alone

    Texas political leaders recently announced an increase in funding and personnel to secure the Texas-Mexico border.

    June 27, 2014

  • Closer to Cliff than Homer on any Father’s Day

    It is Father’s Day, the one day a year when sons and daughters (hopefully) remember to thank Dear Old Dad for all he has meant to them over the years.

    June 15, 2014

  • Lives depend on how we drive

    Local roads and highways have been the scene of six motor vehicle accident fatalities over the past week.

    June 11, 2014

  • Summer’s here, ready or not

    Too late, summer’s here ...
    — The occupants of the Kellar Estate once again find themselves preparing for the annual onslaught of heat and humidity which is summer in Texas.

    June 8, 2014

  • YMCA 'ball' now in city's court

    The YMCA/event center project is now back on track, thanks to a $1 million pledge from L-3 Mission Integration. It has been more than a year since Greenville voters approved a $15 million bond to build to new Y.

    June 1, 2014

  • In just a flash, she's turned 15

    Shaking my head in disbelief once again ...
    Jaylynn is 15.
    Let that sink in for a minute.

    May 25, 2014

Featured Ads
Promotions
Poll

Does Dallas head coach Jason Garrett need for the Cowboys to make the playoffs during the 2014 football season to keep his job?

Yes
No
Who knows with Jerry Jones as owner?
     View Results
Facebook
Must Read
Photos


See more photos and purchase prints here.

AP Video
Raw: Corruption Trial Begins for Former Va Gov. The Carbon Trap: US Exports Global Warming UN Security Council Calls for Gaza Cease-fire Traditional African Dishes Teach Healthy Eating 13 Struck by Lightning on Calif. Beach Baseball Hall of Famers Inducted Israel, Hamas Trade Fire Despite Truce in Gaza Italy's Nibali Set to Win First Tour De France Raw: Shipwrecked Concordia Completes Last Voyage Raw: Sea Turtle Hatchlings Emerge From Nest Raw: Massive Dust Storm Covers Phoenix 12-hour Cease-fire in Gaza Fighting Begins Raw: Bolivian Dancers Attempt to Break Record Raw: Israel, Palestine Supporters Rally in US Raw: Air Algerie Flight 5017 Wreckage Virginia Governor Tours Tornado Aftermath Judge Faces Heat Over Offer to Help Migrant Kids Kangaroo Goes Missing in Oklahoma More M17 Bodies Return, Sanctions on Russia Grow Raw: Deadly Tornado Hits Virginia Campground
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide