Published: May 12, 2008 12:05 am         

Providing some fatherly oversight into Mother’s Day

Here’s hoping all of you men of the male gender — who also happen to be sons and/or married to or seriously involved with women who have borne you children — were wise enough to use just a portion of that “economic stimulus payment” to purchase said significant female other of the Mom, Wife or Baby Mama persuasion something nice yesterday.

Or, perhaps you went out of your way to do something extra meaningful for that special someone in your life. Maybe you cooked her breakfast in bed? Wrote her a love poem? Snipped a rose from the neighbor’s bush?

Hey, did you at least find her a card at the dollar store?

Just in case you answered no to all of the above, I’m wondering if you took up residence in your back yard overnight ... because, as you doubtless are aware by now, Sunday was Mother’s Day.

Yes, this means that whether you actually believe it is a made-up holiday designed so that florists, candy-makers and greeting card companies can rake in the big bucks during the slow season or not, you as a man of the male gender were contractually obligated since birth due to the levels of testosterone in your body to have remembered this most important of occasions for mothers everywhere.

True, daughters are also required to observe the tradition of Mother’s Day, but you never hear that much about how they forget the occasion, now do you? This is because they have had it programmed into their systems since birth due to the levels of estrogen and such that someday they most likely will be the recipients of Mother’s Day offerings, so they have been raised to naturally expect said tributes, thus giving them a built-in genetic reminder. It is the same chromosomal marker which alerts them to birthdays and anniversaries and permanently imprints onto their subconscious every single detail of that first date with their eventual significant other, as well as the exact wording said significant other used when he said the stupidest thing ever uttered by a man ... again.

Nope, we men are typically portrayed as the callous, unfeeling louts who somehow manage to overlook calling Mom on that one Sunday a year when she really deserves to know how much we love her. It is men who somehow feel justified in not buying our wife/significant other who is also the mother of our children at least some token of our esteem, because she isn’t OUR mother. And therefore it is men who have, since the dawn of civilization, learned the joys and hardships of waking up in tents, sleeping bags or on rocks in the back yard or outside the cave on the Monday morning following the Mother’s Day we somehow forgot ... again.

I must admit I have something of an unfair advantage in getting beyond this dark side of my male nature. In short, her name is Vida. She is my wife and she is also the mother of my children.

I have never forgotten Mother’s Day, and due to wanting to remain as close to Vida as possible for the rest of my days, I never will. Even if I wanted to somehow overlook the occasion, Vida makes sure and gives me the heads-up weeks in advance of exactly what she wants for the big day. This is helpful because as Nick (now 18) was growing up, he sometimes lived up to his male genetic material and “forgot” to buy his mom a present for Mother’s Day. This is when yours truly would often reach into his bag of tricks and magically come up with one of the items on Vida’s list which Nick could provide.

Nick is now not only an adult male, and I therefore no longer am required to act as his back-up, but he has a child of his own, our beautiful granddaughter Lauryn. As I write this on a Saturday evening, I hope and pray that Nick thought far enough ahead to come up with a plan for not only his Mom, Vida, but for Aundrea, Lauryn’s mother. If not, the grass in the back yard should have been soft and dry Sunday night.

Again, I have never had to perform this service for Jaylynn (now almost 9) because she is a woman and therefore exempt from Mother’s Day brain lapses.

My fatherly oversight is now turning to our son Jason, 18 months. He was too young last year to actively participate in what has become the annual Kellar Estate shopping excursion on the day before Mother’s Day. While Vida’s list tends to change slightly from Mother’s Day to Mother’s Day, there are some basics: chocolate covered strawberries from Mary of Puddin Hill from me, and cards from both myself and her children.

OK, this year, I’ll admit, I goofed. I waited too long to get the strawberries, as they were all sold out by the time we got there. Fortunately, my years of experience at this allowed me to recover gracefully, as I managed to slip another item from her list into my card to Vida; namely, cash. My wife/mother of my children admitted it was the thought that counted this year.

Jaylynn, bless her heart, has her own ideas about what to get Mom. Jaylynn loves to buy Vida a big box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates for Mother’s Day, Easter, her birthday, Valentine’s Day, and so on. Vida loves Ferrero Rocher chocolates. Jaylynn, surprisingly, also loves Ferrero Rocher chocolates and loves to share Vida’s box, so it all works out. Jaylynn also bought Vida one of those recordable greeting cards. As I tried to help Jaylynn record her lovely message, my daughter instantly informed me I was doing it all wrong and then proceeded to do it by herself. You have to love the modern, technological Mother’s Day ...

Jason allowed me to buy a card and a rose for him to give to his Mom, and he especially loved signing the card ... all over the card. He practically tripped over his own feet rushing to give Vida her gifts.

In short, despite the strawberry shortage, Vida loved her Mother’s Day on Saturday and we are all keeping our fingers crossed where Nick is concerned. For all of you other men of the male gender who woke up with grass stains this morning, start planning ahead now. You have almost exactly 12 months to get it right next year.

Just a thought ...



Kellar is a Herald-Banner staff writer